I want to be counted worthy of suffering for the Name.

It was a Thursday night about one month into my race when I realized what I had gotten myself into. Over the course of the first month my comfort slowly dissipated. — As the days went on, my clothes and tent got moldier, the porta-potties got smellier, the nights outside got colder, my body got dirtier, and alone time became more of a distant memory than a reality. I was holding it together rather well as every comfort I had ever known diluted before my eyes, until this one Thursday night. I began to settle into my tent for the night before I soon realized that my sleeping pad had popped and I was left with a series of several nice sharp rocks to sleep on :). Let me tell you, this was the icing on the cake for me. The tears began to stream down my face and when I couldn’t hold in the sobs any longer, I just began to walk. Eventually, I sat in the gravel beside four (not so great smelling) porta-potties and SOBBED. When I say sobbed, I mean audibly wept while curled in fetal position (lol) for HOURS into the night. It was in that moment that every discomfort I had been experiencing felt unbearable. It was my first “why am I here” moment on the race.  

As I sit here on flight United 227 flying home from what has been the first 4 months of my race, I can confidently say that Thursday night was the first of many. —The first of many late-night cries, the first of many moments where the discomfort felt nearly unbearable, the first of many inconveniences faced, and the first of many times where I had to ask the Father to gently remind me of the “why”. Every time, the Lord brought me back to what one of our speakers said early on: “Salvation is free, but walking in the Kingdom will cost you everything.”  This is what it looks like to walk in the Kingdom. This is what it looks like to deny yourself. This is what it looks like to lay down your life for the most Deserving. 

So why pay the cost of walking in the Kingdom?  

Well for starters, it’s the bare minimum that our Savior deserves, and could never even come close to paying back the price He first paid for us. BUT secondly, as I’m sitting here reflecting on my race thus far, I rejoice over those moments the most BY FAR. And here’s why:

You see, Paul and Barnabas were some of the first few men to understand what it means that walking in the Kingdom will cost you everything. In Acts 5, they had traveled into Ananias to exalt the name of the Messiah. However, they were met with persecution by some Jews and Pharisees. Now, this was something that these men faced quite frequently, as imprisonment and stoning were quite familiar to them. In this specific story they were met by opposers in the court and frankly upheld a great deal of suffering on this mission. When they were released by the court they walked out REJOICING that they had been counted worthy of suffering for the Name. (Acts 5:41)

So when I sit here and think of the suffering I have endured for the sake of the Kingdom over the past 4 months (very minuscule compared to Paul and Barnabas obviously), I can’t help but rejoice. This means I’m walking in the Kingdom correctly. There are things that I’m doing that are being counted WORTHY of suffering for the Name of Jesus Christ. And if that’s not worth rejoicing over then I’m not sure what is. If there’s anything I have learned over the past four months it is that I want to be counted worthy of suffering for the Name.

The past four months have been the sweetest of my life. The Lord was so faithful in this season, providing me with the best place to call home and the most special people to call family. If AIM campus in Gainsville, GA can be this dear to my heart then I can only imagine what Ecuador has for me. (oh ya Im going to Ecuador btw) Surprise hehe!! 

Anywho, drink lots of water and have a very merry Christmas 🙂

xoxo, Eli